Hi Sabina, thanks for replying

I was having counselling once a week and my T suggested meeting once a fortnight instead. I haven't mentioned that she works for a charity and is volunteering as a counsellor. She is fully qualified and works elsewhere too, which is why I feel awful - I'm not paying to be there, she is giving up her time for me. She is lovely, she really is. I know loving her is ok, I just want to work through the pain of not having her in my life. She ticks so many boxes for me, it's ridiculous. She's funny, warm, gorgeous and clever - what's not to love. I've tried to convince myself that she kills small animals in spare time... (She doesn't, she loves animals damn it!).

I have Borderline PD (which I constantly apologise for) amongst other things and I just wonder if she would prefer me to see someone else now. I'm a terrible mind reader and she is keeping strict boundaries and I am sticking to them, it's just a horrible, horrible war in my head.

I'm seeing her on Thursday (I think! I walked out a fortnight ago). The attraction is bonkers, I haven't felt like this since I fell in love with my best friend at school. The anger and frustration are not me, I'm a peace loving person and the strength of these feelings is too much.