It's been a hard day. Maybe I should live a moment at a time, because I keep thinking of my future and my career and if I ever get married or date anyone, and it's overwhelming me. I just feel like I'll fail at everything, like life is one long nightmare where I have to watch everyone else get what I want (friends, success) while it is continuously denied to me just because of who I am.

I see so much pain and ugliness in the world, and I don't feel like I want to be a part of it anymore. I feel sui, but I won't do anything because today is my brother's birthday, and I can't die on his birthday.

Thanks for listening. I had been doing really well at avoiding the sui thoughts, at focusing my energy instead on creating a life worth living. It's just so difficult.