I'm at a point in life where I am questioning everything. And I don't know what to do. I mostly question myself, and doing so makes my self esteem drop even lower. I am almost 20, and I hear that what you do in your 20s is really important to how your life will go afterwards. I'm a little scared. First, I have this guy that I really like. We've been talking for two years. However, there is a third person, which is a mutual friend. This third person caused so many problems, and is a major reason for my low self esteem. He views me very low, and recently (before I stopped talking to him) we had an arguement over my career, because he said I can't handle it. That's one issue, that I can't stop thinking about all of his cruel words within the past year. Second, unfortunately the guy I like and I let this mutual friend screw up what could be a good relationship. But now we are both really confused of our feelings towards each other. We are long distance too, as in different states. My friends have told me to forget him, but I don't want to. I have tried, believe me. I tried liking other guys but I'm constantly reminded of him. And we talked how we want to stay together, though we don't know as what. I don't know what to do. I had a bad past with guys, and now I'm letting it affect my future because of fear. When I try getting out of fearing, I am doing fine for a while, and then I go right back. What do I do?