Thanks... and thanks Sky and SeptemberMorn, too... I appreciate your replies.

No word yet from my T... hope she doesn't wait until tonight to check her email, haven't emailed her before so I don't know.

Heh, I'm so indecisive. I've prepared myself for anything today - which to me looks like this; stalled death(hospital, which may set me hopeful for a while but will probably end with me back to this spot), delayed death(no decision today, which I'm not sure I can deal with, think I need to make a decision today), or death. Life isn't really an option... I've never really lived as it is, felt pretty dead most my life - since I see life as more than physically being alive - so it seems logical for my lifeless life to end without experiencing life, in which case what's the point of continuing to live lifelessly? It hurts too much and I'm too tired/overwhelmed to push on aimlessly.

So anyway, to speak nothing of the other options, I'm all packed in case I end up in the hospital again... and I think too much. Especially because I've figured a way to sneak something in to maintain my options... I'm way too good at planning things. I figure I'd be trying to think of other ways, anyway, so at least this way I'm not wasting my time contemplating/collecting possibilities, I'll have something set aside, and I think that would allow me to think of things other than death methods. Maybe I'll even be able to focus enough to do some schoolwork I've packed. Also packed phone numbers... heck, I may be more productive in there than out. :-| Although I'd miss more work/income I need... can't have it all though, right? And what's that matter if I'm dead otherwise? Heh, this line of thought seems comical to me at the moment!

But packing in case I don't choose suicide yet seems like an odd idea. As is how it's one month exactly from when I went out to kill myself and ended up driving to the hospital instead. What's with the timing?

There's no good answers to this stuff.

<font color=green>____________________________
Matthew 11:28
Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.</font color=green> Sounds good...