Here's a son's persective. I grew up with an abusive alcoholic father and an abusive psychopathic brother. I begged my mother throughout my childhood to protect me from them, but she did not. I saw it as my mother's responsibility to protect her child from extreme abuse, no matter whether that abuse came from outside or within the family. I still believe that.

I again asked my mother why she did not protect me when she saw that the abuse was tearing me apart. Her reply - "I thought praying would be the answer". Well, it wasn't.

I thought long and hard in early adulthood whether or not to cut my mother out of my life. Not just because she failed to protect me, but because she was also an emotional abuser. I decided not to, but to give our adult relationship a chance. But she was definitely skating on thin ice as far as I was concerned. Anyway, her abuse continued into my adult life and I eventually cut her out for my own emotional protection.

You were an adult during the periods of abuse that you describe. You made adult decisions based on adult perceptions. You decided whether to get your son out of that situation or to have him endure it. I'm sorry, but you must now live with the consequences of those actions.

Having said that, you deserve to be happy. Move on and start anew, but accept that it may be without your son.