Hi seekersinking, sometimes it can be so hard to see much of anything past depression, it can feel so hard to get through a moment, an hour, a day with it sometimes. And it can effect so many parts of your life, but you are stronger than it is.
You have fought it and showed it just what you're really made of. You do have it in you!! And bit by bit you're letting it know that it isn't winning. It may not feel like that all the time, but you really are.
Don't let it take away from the moments/the times (however many, however few!!) that you have actually smiled, you have felt hope, you have felt some warmth, a little light has crept through those cracks. They are your moments, they are you, you are still there regardless whatever the depression may think. And there's going to be no beating you, nothing can ever replace what's actually inside you.
But when it's hard you know that we're going to be here for you, you're not on your own. It's got one h**l of a challenge on it's hands!!
Remember you are special whatever!!
Alison