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One thing I do have a bit of trouble accepting is that T and I have a "real" relationship. I don't feel we do. But he says that what we have is "real." It doesn't feel real to me because I pay him to have this relationship with me. He is doing it because he is paid and it is his job. It isn't truly authentic or real because of the payment/job aspect. It's like he isn't engaging with me because he wants to of his own free will, but because I am forking over the cash. But yet, I do feel warmth and affection and love toward him, and I feel the warmth and affection he projects to me. But yet it is not real. He is paid. I have bigtime problems with this paradox.

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I'll have to check out the book that's suggested, but I wanted to chime in here. I do see it as a real relationship. The money just takes the place of the usual return. In a normal relationship, it's all give and take -- they help you with your problems, you help them with theirs. With the therapist relationship, I'm not helping him at all, I'm only taking his help. Therefore, the money is my contribution in place of the "give" for a give and take. So it's still a give & take relationship, and it feels totally authentic to me-- just different than any other relationship. This leaves me free to feel for him. :-)

Sidony