So after yesterday's "straight talk" with my therapist she called me today asking me how I was. It's really amazing how she seems to always text or call in the right moment. It's so strange, whenever she texts me or sends me an email I feel a tiny weeny bit guilty thinking about some people on here whose therapists limit out of session contact. I really have become highly sensitized on that topic since I joined here. So I guess on some level I am lucky...
So she called me today and asked me how I was and we talked for a long time. They are always quite uncomfortable conversations these days because what my ears are hearing and what my head is processing are two different things, haha

My T is good at recognizing this discrepancy and she gently pushes me to hear what is actually said, not what I want to hear. Sometimes that makes her the bearer of bad news though and that is not easy for me. It kinda feels like it "taints" the conversation sometimes. But it's also good because if I get bad news then I am glad it comes from someone who really cares about me and my reaction to it.
(I wonder how that fits into her job description though)

Anyway, today I had a not so great day and I didn't want to hear anything difficult. She decided to cheer me up with the bad therapist and light bulb joke. (You know, the one that goes like "How many therapists does it take to change a light bulb? Just one, as long as the light bulb wants change.") She said that she worries that I am getting stuck in this interim place between denial and reality and that we need a change in this situation or I might end up digging my own grave earlier by not accepting the help that is out there.

So well, I accepted the help now and will work on being ok with it. But how can one really be ok with giving a big chunk of control (and with that a lot of his own dignity) away to someone else, a stranger?
Yes, sometimes it sucks not having all my friends around physically and having to rely on people who don't know me well.

If you have any good advice or encouragement, I would love to hear it.

PS: To those who are reading and wonder what the story is.. Briefly, I am suffering from cancer which is terminal and my therapist is helping me with the emotional and practical things that come with my prognosis.