I feel like I'm trying so hard to keep it together. There have been a lot of stressors for me lately, between work issues, money problems, and car troubles. Last week I felt stable, and now I feel like I'm all mixed up.

I am doing what needs to be done around the house, and I'm going through the motions, but I really want to just lay down and cry. Not that I could sit still long enough to do that, but whatever. I just don't know what to do.

I told my wife I've been thinking about sui, but she says it's normal to think about it when things go downhill and get as hard as they have been. Is she right? I don't know, I'm not normal.

I'm doing what I can to distract myself, but I can only distract myself for so long, then I get distracted from my distraction. I saw my T today, but only could do a half hour session, cause I couldn't take sitting in her office for any longer than that.

I honestly feel like I might be losing my mind. Although, speaking of losing one's mind, I haven't had any hallucinations, that I know of, in a couple weeks, so I suppose that's something. I don't even know what I'm looking for here, but I feel like I'm desperately searching for something, anything.