This is going on my head so I will share it with whoever wants to read about it.

This night I was in an ER for patients with heart attacks... I was there like a student.
But it was there a women, not an old one waiting to die. It was very heart broken... among the all precedures they could do to save her, she couldn't do anyone. She couldn't do a bypass surgery, she couldn't do a catheterism to open the arteries, and her case was pretty serious, they could even give to her some medication to take out the pain because she had a low blood pressure. She was in pain, throwing up, just waiting to die. I saw her face... it is really sad. I once had see a man die in front of me...but this women was still alive and there was nothing they could do to help her.
This was really a day full of little moments and bad feelings. So much happened, so many things that showed me how insecure, ignored I am. How I do really dumb things. And how I continue to get touched by a thing that gives me a really good feeling and at the same time the sure that I can't get what I want...it's different from all I have experience.
I was told that I was a very smart girl that could do really dumb things. I don't feel good being called very smart, but I don't feel good either being called silly. the same person also told me that my only disease is hypochondriase...well, not the only but.
I know that this post can't have an answear, I just wanted to talk. I hope that my story will not. be a trigger.