I'm so tired, I can't even think straight. I'm doing terribly in school, I work seven days a week, and I can't take a day off without feeling lazy and pathetic. I want to get back to doing the things that matter to me, writing, painting, living. But I can't do that because my life costs money, a lot of it. I need to get my degree, but I can't focus in my classes. I'm barely pulling Cs and Bs. I'm so exhausted. I've come close to suicide on more than one occasion. I was recently diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder. I have a family that counts on me, friends, a boyfriend. I have to keep doing all this. It doesn't help that I've been sick for the last three weeks with some unidentifiable illness; headaches, fatigue, stomach pain/upset stomach, dizziness, shortness of breath, bla bla bla.... The doctor literally told me "I have no idea what's wrong with you."
Is it terrible to wish that I could just get hurt, or sick, or something, and be hospitalized? To be forced to stop working and school and just rest? I want that so badly. I'm so so so so so tired, I'm falling apart.
Sorry for ranting. I don't really know where else to go right now.