My abusers want me disabled, so they can tell me, themselves, and others that I am the problem, and they are not. It's the old, "Well, you're the one who sees a shrink, not me," put-down. They will deny this if anyone calls them on it, but that doesn't change the fact.

Fuzzy, if your abusers would be happier with you dead, it makes no statement whatsoever about you. Those insults they hurled--they were looking at their own reflections in a mirror, and pretending they were talking to you. If your death would make them happy, it's only so they can use it as evidence to show how much healthier they are than poor, damaged Fuzzy was, and on top of that, gain sympathy from others for the tragedy of having lost you. That's how they would win, not by having you "out of their way." There is a reason why people say, recovery is the best revenge. Our abusers HATE it when we get better, because it proves to them how little power they had over us after all.