It's been over a month since I've seen a therapist. I should have gotten a call about the new referral two weeks ago but I haven't heard from them yet. I'm sort of losing the will to do things and I'm tired of everything. Getting up in the mornings is really difficult. Going to university is really difficult. Cleaning my room is really difficult. Cooking is really difficult. Answering emails is really difficult. Writing this is really difficult. Talking to people is really difficult. Being around people is really difficult. Studying is really difficult. Everything is so difficult. I'm utterly depressed. I even cried yesterday night (and I hardly ever cry). The only good things that has happened recently is that my assessment has started.

"I always say that the opposite of depression is not happiness but vitality, and that depression has to do with finding all of life completely overwhelming. It's a poverty of the English language that we only have that one word, depression, that's used to describe how a little kid feels when it rains on the day of his baseball game, and it's also used to describe why people spend their lives in mental hospitals and end up killing themselves. But clinical depression really has to do with the feeling that you can't do anything, that everything is unbelievably difficult, that life is completely terrifying, and a feeling of this free-floating despair, which is overpowering and horrifying."
- Andrew Solomon

I'm a prisoner in my own mind and not having anyone to talk to about all of this is starting to tear me down.

Sorry for whining/complaining.

Hope you're well,

neutrino