I am a recovering alcoholic. Almost three years. I've been depressed for as far back as I remember. I started drinking at age 16 and never looked back. Self medicated to the fullest. I suffered with depression for 7 years before I was hospitalized in 2004 and finally found out I was really suffering from bp. Yet I still continued to drink till I got drunk. I needed that fix. I now realize that the depression was so bad that I drank to try and be happy. Anything to end the suffering I felt deep inside. Then I started to have health problems due to my drinking on my psych meds. Now I live a sober life. I find the depression to be debilitating and I'm on ssd because of it. I have bp2, anxiety, depression and bpd. Somedays I miss the high that drinking gave me but I know it only made my illness worse. I wish I could just be normal and have a good job rather than a limited income. But I guess I just need to be at peace with how things are. I'm so sorry for what you've gone thru. Addiction is a horrible monster. Try and stay positive. Sounds like you have a good family so be thankful you have them. My family is so dysfunctional and a total mess. They don't care about me or my illness. I know they are very sick people but that still doesn't take the sting out of it. Embrace yr loved ones. I hope yr doing ok.

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