Twisted,

I am sorry that you are in this situation. Much like you, I also have found myself in the situation where, after 17+ years of marriage, my wife says that she's not attracted to me physically and hasn't been for a long time. She says that I have never been romantic and that the only way we are ever going to be intimate again is if I learn to be romantic.
As a guy, I can't stop from wondering why has she gone so long without saying anything, or accepting the status quo. Then to imply that she wants to stay together, but without any of the intimate bits, is beyond my limited male comprehension.
We've gone to see a marriage counselor, and after she attended two sessions, she won't go back. She said that she's explained what I need to do to bring us back together, now I have to figure it out.
I've read many blogs/forums from men where their spouses have just stopped being intimate and have gone years without love or sex. Many of them can live with it, some can't. Some masturbate, some cheat, some explore their gay side.
I believe wholeheartedly that you should work to find common ground to keep the relationship alive. But I also believe that you should set some goals and milestones for healing the relationship. This is purely my opinion and probably reflects my situation more than yours, but don't wait too long in a relationship that is not equal and fair, and that doesn't meets your romantic/emotional/sexual needs. After 17+ years of marriage, it is really hard to give up the familial/financial/friendship parts of the relationship, but I personally am not having my romantical/emotional/sexual needs met, which by my spouse's statements are my fault for not being a "man". I am currently struggling as to whether to give up what I have and pursue a new life. I'm bisexual, and I've thought long and hard about the fact I probably don't "get" woman. Maybe it's worth pursuing a homosexual relationship, and trying to get it right with another guy...
My point is don't wait until you've invested so much of yourself in a limited relationship, that you can't leave it.