Yes! a lot of what you guys are saying makes sense. About the shame inside me...and me not wanting to tell because I worry that others will think I am disgusting and nasty and that I have a reason to be ashamed of myself. I also agree about not rushing it. I just got hit with a big flashback thing a month or so ago and still feel off balance from it, I know I am not ready to put myself out there right now. And Benjamin the stuff you mentioned is exactly what I don't want to happen...I don't want people to see me and think to themselves 'oh here comes ____ she's the one that had XYZ happen to them' or whatever. And I already worry that being 'not OK' or 'screwed up' is part of who I am and that it is a big stumbling block to my making changes and getting better..I dont need anything else holding me back. So much to figure out...