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Old Apr 09, 2014, 11:22 AM
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ginaaa22 ginaaa22 is offline
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Member Since: Jan 2014
Location: Toledo, OH
Posts: 210
Quote:
Originally Posted by Withered-Rose79 View Post
How can you love and adore someone SO VERY MUCH for so long, only to wake up one day and realize you no longer have feelings for them? I'm not talking about the usual rollercoaster ride of love/hate emotions that come and go on a daily basis. I've spent 4 years with this man, craving his touch, his love and his attention. We've lived together 2 of those 4 years and he has been my oxygen. I've begged him to acknowledge and seek help for his own mental health issues so that hopefully our relationship will last forever. Some of his problems include lying, stealing, manipulation, feeling entitled, being very reclusive, and so on. I think he has seen me pulling away from him and has decided that if he wants to keep me he needs to work on himself. At the same time, I've begun to evaluate our relationship and part of me feels that I have loved him so deeply for all the wrong reasons. I don't love him for the person that he is, I love him because he hasn't abandoned me. He has been a presence in my life when I had no one else. Having him there has brought me security. When I stand back and look at him without being blinded by the fear of being alone, I don't like the person that he is. I don't like our life together; we have nothing whatsoever in common beyond our mental health issues. And it's bad enough that my children have to suffer my ups and downs, they shouldn't be made to suffer his as well. So while he's waking up and deciding he wants this relationship to last forever, I'm waking up and deciding that maybe I don't. I don't know...
I felt the same way that you feel. I got married at 18 to someone who I thought I could not live without. At first everything was great. All of the little things he did I told myself that they wouldnt bother me or I would get used to them. This included not working, doing drugs, "kickin it" being lazy, not helping around the house, lying and being manipulative. Now looking back, (I didnt know I had BPD at this time) I think I loved the sense of security and him being dependant on me for money and somewhere to live. This made me feel like he would never abandon me. He also made my BPD alot worse and as time went on things got worse and worse. I started to see that the things I thought I could overlook couldnt be overlooked anymore. They really started to bother me. Part of me for a long time didnt want to leave because I was scared to be alone. When I did leave I had a huge support system and things got alot better. I took some time off from dating and within the next year I found someone else who is completely amazing and 100% different from my husband. We have been engaged now for a year and plan to get married soon. Follow your guy instinct. Lifes too short to be unhappy.
Thanks for this!
trying2survive, Withered-Rose79