I really to think it sounds like a terrific (and challenging, and terrific because of challenging) group!

Part of the motivation for group therapy is that it is really hard for therapists to meet peoples twinship needs while staying within boundaries. Twinship needs are more appropriately met by peers anyway. Group therapy gives you guys the opportunity to find other individuals like you in the therapy group. Have you noticed how others respond to her when she says that she told him she loved him? You might find that there are some others in the group who feel similarly to you and you might find that there are some others who have also told him...

I'd say that she is doing the best she can (same as everyone else). I do think that it is important not to judge her negatively because we feel bad in response. Our feeling bad is our own issue and its nice to try and figure where that is coming from (as you are doing) rather than projecting that onto her by thinking she must have undesirable personality traits or whatever.

Sometimes philosophers talk of knowledge as a narrowing of possibilities. It is like there are all these possibilities and when we learn something then some of those possibilities are ruled out. My supervisor has this interesting (and somewhat unconventional) view on that: Sometimes learning something new involves more possibilities opening up to us. I think that that is what has happened here. She opened up for you the possibility of another way of being: Where you could tell him 'I love you' in a way that wasn't fearful of rejection. (Not sure if she was bold like that or if she was more reserved / scared with it or what). But it has opened up more possibilities which means you have more choices as to who you want to be as a person.

Do you want to do more courageous things like that? (Maybe not that thing in particular, but maybe be more courageous in general)? Dunno...

But it does sound like a really terrific group.

I'd find it hard to find out about t's other clients too - initially. But then... I think it would be kinda cool to do group therapy with them as well.

Have you read the Deborah Lott book? 'In session'? She used to go to group therapy and then started meeting the women after therapy for coffee... And they got to be friends and they would start discussing therapy with each other over coffee. She said she found it so immensely helpful for processing feelings of love for therapist and stuff like that. Twinship. There are other people like you. Interpersonal skills (and feelings of acceptance by others) that translates back to peers and friends IRL. What a terrific opportunity. I'm a little jealous... I wish I could do group with t's other clients. Wah!