My advice is to stop the recreational use of sub. You know you are an addict. The idea is to get clean and sober. And I know how hard it is. I needed a lot of help. Maybe you can't leave the house because of mental health issues to get to meetings. That happens to me a lot with depression. I know you know about NA and AA. I can't tell you what to do or know what is best for you. I don't pretend to know what is best for you I surely not god or any all knowing being....lol

But I can tell you that AA and NA saved my life and kept me clean and sober. I tried for years to quit on my own....no bueano. I can suggest that maybe it would help you.