After I was raped, and past the lesbian phase, I used to look up porn videos of women being raped (not real but faked to look real) and it helped me get there. I don't know why. Trying to make it seem normal or desensitizing myself so it doesn't feel like a bad thing? That's all I can guess. I don't look at those videos anymore though. They trigger me now.

By the way the rape videos included things like a group of men attacking a woman and basically forcing her to do things physically, as if it was a real rape, not just BDSM or "rough sex."