Hi Raynaadi. I'm glad someone else can relate. It's odd. If you had posted your fears about dating, I probably would have told you something like...

"You don't want a man who won't love you just as you are. If a man turns his back on you because of your illness, he's a jerk and you'll find someone who truly loves you... in sickness and in health."

That's the kind of stuff we say to other people -- because it makes sense! It's all true. It's so hard to believe it for myself, though. I have faith that other people will find someone who loves them just as they are, but I feel like I need to be perfect in order for someone to love me. I know that's ridiculous. My ex-boyfriend is bipolar. He refuses to accept that he's bipolar (he says he just has a "personality of extremes") or seek treatment (he's a musician and composer and thinks treatment will destroy his creativity). We were together for 6 years and I loved him completely. Living with him and his moods was hard, but I never considered leaving him because of his illness. (We broke up for other reasons and we're much better off as friends -- much less drama.) I didn't know about his condition when we first met. I didn't see any signs until I had already fallen in love with him... and the thought of NOT loving him anymore was just not an option.

I don't know why I can't accept the possibility of someone loving me in the same way. I think it's fear of the unknown. When I was dating in my 20s, I didn't have any mental health issues. There was nothing I worried about sharing. I felt comfortable being totally open. I didn't worry about being judged. I'm different now, though, and it scares me.

Anyway, you have the right attitude. Thanks for your response. I guess we just need to trust in ourselves and trust that there are decent men out there who will love us for who we are. Keep me posted!