I have no desire , either.
Every single man in my life ended up making me feel like I wasn't good enough just the way I was. Being pushed into porn viewing, being asked to do threesomes, this or that....they all ended up cheating anyway, taking the easy way out and not simply appreciating me for the way I was. Each time I would get naked with these men and get their words bombarding into my mind, how about you do this? How about you do that? They had no idea that each and everytime they did this they further eroded my self-esteem. Reinforcing in my brain that I just didn't measure up. It was always about their pricks they were worried about, never considering the fragility of my mind. I think being naked in front of your husband is the most vulnerable position a person can be in.....add their constant bombardments to the mix ....it does something deep in the soul.

I've suspected myself to be bisexual, however, I made the choice to choose only men. I did not want to cross that boundary I made for myself, because I do fundamentally feel men and Women are the right choice, however, I do support the gay choice and the gay community.

Although I could be bisexual in nature, I could never bring myself to act on it, because there was always something I could not place my finger on. I think deep down, I know it just would not have been the right fit for me.

So, with men always thinking with their pricks and my feeling that women really would not be a good fit for me, I finally gave up. Men hurt me too much, no matter how much I wanted things to work out with them. I resigned myself to the knowledge that intimacy just will never work for me anymore. The eroded self-esteem coupled with major depression finally did me in.

I am like you and yearn for intellectual connections and soul connections, but I have not found someone at all in my life to where we would be a perfect compatible match. People generally want things from me. I just want simplicity ....nobody taking from each other, but enriching each other at the same time...with no hidden ajendas, no deceipt, .....just honest connection. Im not sure if that even exists in the reality of this world. It sure is lonely, but its better than becoming more eroded than I already am.