Thank you so much for your kind words, Swheaton. It really means a lot. My therapist called to set up an appt. for Friday, so I have something on the calendar now. But her calling me made things worse, because she was very short with me on the phone. She didn't even ask me how I was doing, or what was going on...I freaked out, thinking there must have been something in my old pdoc's notes (which she has recently received) that repulsed her and turned her against me.

I really thought she'd be more caring, if only because it is her job. She's out of network; I pay $175/session to see her, and I have an entry level job that doesn't pay particularly well...

I guess overall I'm angry and disappointed with humanity. I feel like I keep lowering my standards for people (friends, family, therapists) and I think that this time they will meet them, but they never do. So I drop my standards for how I should be treated lower and lower, and get disappointed more and more.

*Trigger Warning*

I feel like I should just kill myself before I get anymore disheartened and begin to hate myself and humanity more. I've suffered so much, been sui so many times but never acted on it. I'm such a coward.