You're not a coward, as stated above its sheer bravery that you haven't acted on it and that you've survived such times of distress.

I'm really sorry things feel so bad right now, but as is the case with this cyclical beast, this too shall pass Secretum.

Try to stay present in the now, stay grounded in the moment. Worrying or obsessing over tomorrow will bring nothing but being overwhelmed. So please remember to take it 1 baby step at a time, 1 breath at a time.

You are worth it my friend