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Originally Posted by DePressMe
I was only 15 when I first became involved in AA and I was around the tables off and on for many, many years. The groups in my town were horrible and the members caused me a lot of pain and suffering...it changed the course of my life for the worse. Some people benefit from AA and that's fine for them. Personally, I wish I would have never reached out for help from AA because in the long run it created even more problems for me that I had to eventually overcome to get sober.
I've been sober over 9 years now...I think its 9, I've lost track. That's the nice thing about how my "recovery" works for me now--I don't have to work at it all the time. Being sober is how I am now. It feels natural to be sober so I don't even think about keeping track anymore. In the beginning, especially that horrendous 1st year, it was something I had to work hard on and it was constantly on my mind 24/7. At first, I had to learn how live sober, then I practiced at it and eventually, as the years passed, it just became a way of life.
For the most part, I consider myself to be free from the chains of addiction. I'm no longer controlled by my addictive impulses or tormented by the thoughts of an alcoholic mind. I've fully realized and accepted the consequences caused by my past alcoholic behavior and no longer feel guilty about it. It took a long time for me to get over the regret I felt for all the lost opportunities and for wasting so many years of my life.
Am I still an alcoholic? Well, in some sense, yes, because I know that I would revert to alcoholic behavior and thinking if I decided to drink again. But, in some ways, no because I don't think or act like an alcoholic anymore. Maybe, I'm more like a "alcoholic-potential." The good thing is that today I have the choice to drink or not....and, I no longer want or need to drink. My life is not perfect but its sooo much better...
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Hmmm. I am very sorry you had that experience.
What did they do to cause you harm?
My experience was that I found the vast majority of people loving, caring, accepting, and helpful. Different people had different theories about how to help people though. Some people were the in your face tell you what to do type. "Do that 4th step or you are gonna die kid". I was 32 when I went in and not a kid. I didn't like those people and I had my own sponsor thanks anyway. A lot of people will say that they rely on their friends in AA to call them on their BS and tell them when they are screwing up and tell them what to do. That doesn't work so much for me because I am so rebellious. If you told me what to do I would most likely ignore you or maybe even tell you to **** off. I am pretty emotionally resilient and have a thick skin. You have to be when you come up the construction industry. Show any weekness and your peers are going to jump on you.
Then there is the fact that there are a lot of sick people in AA. Just because you got sober doesn't mean you are all well and wonderful. A drunk liar cheat and thief is still a liar cheat and thief sober. A lot of sick relationships. That is part of the miracle of the program though. A bunch or drunks and sick people can get together and help eachother stay sober and grow as a person.
My nephew went in when he was 16. He had a hard time at first because there was no one else his age. And some of the older people who had lost everything before they got sober would say...c'mon 16 years old, how could he have possibly hit a bottom. He didn't have anything to lose yet and he can't really be an alcoholic so young. He was drinking bottles of cough syrup (whatever that is all about) and almost killed himself one night in a depression and a lot of stuff. Everyones bottom is different and his was as valid as anyones. He reached out to the youngest people in his town in AA. Most of them in their early 20's. He is 22 now and all gung hoe AA. His Dad his uncle (me) and his grandpa are all alcoholics in recovery. So he figured he was screwed genetically. We were all a sober example. That is what is called breaking the chain of generational addiction. In the town I got sober in there was a group of young people who stuck together like glue. They started their own meeting and it is still going strong today.
Don't let a couple of a holes run you out of the rooms. Find people you can relate to and that will help you and reach out to them. I know AA is not for everyone and not the only way but it does have the best proven track record. No way I could stay sober on meds and therapy alone most people can't.