Sometimes I doubt myself that I really have depression, I think it's just the way I am. But reality always comes back to me and I'm back in the darkness. Except for less than an hour a week, I keep all the dark thoughts inside. I don't even remember who my "old self" was anymore. It's just me who I am now, on this dark path that leads to no way out. No one knows all these thoughts that are in my mind most of the day. I don't feel like a regular person anymore. I'm not. It sucks to be who I am now but don't believe I'll ever be "normal" again. On the outside to most everyone I still am though. I don't have much hope that I will ever get off of this dead end path.