Weathered, I hear ya loud and clear! I can so relate! Your thread topic caught my eye, cuz I at times feel I have a monster inside of me as well. At times I picture a firing dragon leaping out of my mouth. I am a sadist at heart, yet on the surface I seem so um 'nice'.
I have found much release and relief in psychodynamic psychotherapy with some cbt to help me through some unmanageable monster attacks....
Are you seeing a t at this time? If not, it is a wise idea to do so.
I have learned that I can hold both anger and liking for one person, whereas prior to treatment I was either ANGRY or I liked the person. And once I got angry at someone I moved on....I didn't know how to process anger and re-establish trust. I learned how to be aware of my needs, how to assert myself, and how to appropriately deal with my anger. I still have a way to go, but I doubt I'd be where I am had I not been in treatment with a competent therapist.