I totally understand you. And it is actually a healthy outlook you achieving. It means you are accepting your disease which is very difficult. I have had to accept that I have a chronic long term disease that is very treatment resistant and I have to learn to manage it and live with it. That is just the reality for some of us. Many people have long term chronic physical diseases and it is not easy for them. Or some one who loses both their legs in the Boston bombing....not easy to accept and learn to live with. What choice do we have though. I guess we could continue to live on false hope just to be slammed over and over.

However our depression or bi polar cannot be cured or fully recovered but it can be treated. I am 50 and have had major depression since the 7th grade and like I said I have very treatment resistant depression. It has gotten much worse in recent years for a number of reasons. There have really only been a couple of times that I totally gave up on trying to treat it. I have been on every med and combo of meds. Most of the time they haven't worked or quit working or I dunno, I have a long complicate life story and my depression is complicated and I don't want to tell the whole story here.

Most recently was a year and a half ago. I was in the longest worst darkest depression I had ever had. I had given up all hope that anything could ever be done. I thought about suicide every day.

But here I sit today two months after starting new meds that I have never been on before and I am fully out of depression. The meds are working better then anything I have ever tried everything including all the therapies and everything else beside meds. I don't know how long it will last and there is no sense thinking about that.

We have been arguing in the med section over what level of treatment and recovery is acceptable to you. On a scale of 1 to 10. 10 being 100% happy all the time. What number would you accept for your overall life and be happy with that. SR said in Britain they try to get you to an overall 7 and be happy with that. I would be thrilled with a 7. Hell I would be thrilled with a 5. One girl said she is like a 9 all the time and won't accept anything less. I guess hers has been very successfully treated.

Don't give up on treatment. I would say don't even give up on meds, you have not tried everything out there. You are young and they are learning new things all the time. You don't know what the future holds. Hell maybe in two months you will be getting nasal applied ketamine and it will be a miracle....already happening. Or a new gene test comes out and they design a specific drug for you....no to far off. There are already a couple of gene tests out.