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Originally Posted by s4ndm4n2006
Really? this is the epitome of what is wrong with relationshps and marriages today it screams of the conditional attitude that "if you don't give me what I want, if you don't make me happy, I'll find someone else" and I find it far too often that people think this way.
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I consider it a good thing. It's called self-respect. If someone doesn't pull their weight after being given grace periods and time to learn what makes their significant other feel loved, then we don't take on the role of a beast of burden.
As a result, fewer relationships remain intact because fewer people tolerate not being given what they deserve. But what's more important: the status of the relationship (together or broken-up) or not being taken for granted and disrespected? An arrangement or human beings?
Quote:
Originally Posted by s4ndm4n2006
Personally if I marry someone my thoughts are to give to her and support her and share in my life not "what can she do for me." it's just going to be a path that's wrought with failure b/c there is no woman that will meet all of my expectations and needs all of the time.
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Yep. Those are my thoughts, too. I just believe that either both people should feel that way, or there should be no relationship at all.
Unconditional support is for children and clients, people who aren't involved in my needs at all and who it's appropriate to have one-way relationships with. A significant other gets to tell me that I can't meet my needs with other men and women, so my needs become theirs to meet. That's just being fair.
By the way, I never said "all of my needs" or "all of the time". This isn't about perfection.
Quote:
Originally Posted by s4ndm4n2006
You have very conditional thinking here and everything you seem to do "for him" seems to have tied to it what he "should" be giving back to you in return. Love doesn't expect a return on it's investment it hopes to give to the other person, period. What we receive in return is nice but should never be the reason we love someone or are with them.
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I did what I did just to make him happy for several months. I'm getting to the point where, as a self-sufficient and self-respecting adult, I have to ask myself if I'm investing my time and energy in something that's healthy to have in my life or something that does nothing but drain me. Do I want a man who'll care for his birds in a particular way, but not his girlfriend (and eventually, his wife and the mother of his children)?
Speaking of children, what if what our children needed was different from what he most liked to give? Would he just forget to show them love in ways that a child can understand? Would a man who has a one-way relationship with his wife be attentive to loud, rambunctious, needy children? As a mother who would most likely be working my own job, would it be sane to have children with this man and split my energy between work, husband, and children when I receive next to nothing?
Just liking something doesn't mean it's a good thing to have in your life, whether it's junk food or a junk relationship. Love can be destructive, such as when a person doesn't question if what they're doing is healthy just because they have positive emotions towards a person and believe they should give and give and give. That's one way people wind up in toxic and abusive relationships.
According to your reasoning (that love just wants to give), this isn't a man who loves me, anyway.