It's a damn shame that we couldn't have something better in common

Thanks for the post, man - I don't think most people here have problems like the ones I was talking about so it's good to know someone here can relate to it. You don't have to worry about talking about yourself too much, we are all here to discuss our issues and relate to each others issues and so forth and you post wasn't too long either.

I have a long, rich history of living in relative squalor and neglecting self-care, haha. I guess a lot of it probably good old fashioned depression and apathy but it seems like something else is at work too for various reasons...

I don't really ever feel "depressed" in the way of being sad and feeling like crying or whatever. More just like numb and apathetic and disconnected from other people. I know at least part of it is depression though.

Have you tried anti-depressants? Paxil has helped me with social anxiety and somewhat with depression in the past... I actually just started taking it again. It sounds like you're reasonably young and still have the drive and will inside of you to really make something happen with your life. If you can, get out there and do it! The older I get the more I realize that I pretty much have failed at my life. I know it's never too late and all of that, but it certainly doesn't get easier the older you get...