One time I called my sponsor in AA and was complaining about how freaking depressed I was and I didn't know what to do. He just listened the whole time and then finally said..."So be depressed." A light bulb went on in my head. No one had ever given me permission to be depressed before. I learned to give myself permission to be depressed. Kind of like giving your self permission to grieve a loss.

It helped me. There have been times where I have given up all hope and totally quit trying. But overall I have never stopped looking for solutions that would work and still hold out hope that it will get better. I don't think of it as fighting. I fought my alcoholism and addiction for years, I had to surrender to get better. But that just meant I couldn't do it on my own, I needed help.

Fighting implies I am going to beat it that I will be cured. I will never be cured. But who knows maybe I will one day. Maybe they will cut open my brain and fix it.