I still feel bad tonight, but I don't want to go back to the ER so I am trying hard to distract myself from the sui thoughts. I just watched an episode of House, my favorite TV show.

I see my therapist tomorrow. Hopefully we can discover what ever is at the root of all these depressive and suicidal feelings, so I can get past this. I can either die or live the life I always wanted to live. Staying where I am now, getting dangerously sui every few weeks, is not an option anymore.

It's really stupid, but in a way I feel like the hospital rejected me, like all the med schools I've applied to. I know the hospital is a bad place, and I don't want to be there, but I still feel kind of hurt that they rejected me.

I really need to get over myself.