I feel like posting this is completely pointless...

Well, my coworker, who I will name Eri here, is gone temporarily. I now have her hours which allows me to work full time. However, according to my "lovely" supervisor, everyone wants her to come back. Now, she's been working here for as long as I have, about 5 months or so.

I swear nobody likes me. I'm not just saying this out of depression or poor judgement. No one likes me. I get cold looks. My favorite is the why-are-you-here-again look. At work I'm quiet. I don't talk much. I can't. I'm anxiety-ridden. I can't carry on a conversation and small talk always catches me off guard. So when someone does try to start up a conversation and they get a few stutters followed by an awkward silence on my end, they immediately look disappointed.

And now everyone wants Eri back. Nobody would ever say that about me. No one would care. I'm just a shadow taking up space...
I feel like walking off the job and going home. My mother would curse me out and scream at me if I did that. She'd probably kick me out too...

But really...what would that matter?

It would be lovely to disappear. It would be such a blessing to stop existing. No one needs me, so why stay? There's no place here for me. I mean, I feel like I'm beginning to see signs that I was born to die. Maybe I had a short purpose. Maybe I had an important purpose, failed it and now the universe is shifting dramatically to wake me up and get me to see that I was a mistake and that I need to leave.