Sorry to hear it's going so rough.
I can relate to what you said there. The trading places thing. It wasn't even so much a change places per se, as thinking, it isn't right -- her (neighbor) having this thing yet wanting so much to live, and I so much didn't want to.
Getting out and being around people is great, good for you! You can do it at the visiting too, you really can. I just sense it. And remember, people don't notice as much as we think they do. And especially at that sort of event, their minds will be preoccupied with their own thoughts.

And thanks, btw, for the mood chart link. I've been meaning to check some of them out (had done a DIY one, but a new approach may be in order). I got way out of the habit of keeping one, and lately it's become pretty clear that it's time to do so again. Oh. And thanks also for the link on parenting/MI. Very timely. There's a lot in there, so I'll have to check it out more fully. There's always been the challenges of doing it as the person with MI, but it's even more in mind as just a couple nights ago in talking with my son (young adult) that he's showing symptoms that suggest he might also have BP. We'll see.

In terms of coping, this may sound weird, because there's so much that's not funny, but…. a sense of humor. Ummm, let's see... Not over-focusing on negative things. Like… in talking the other night. Yes, this was some serious discussion, serious topic. Could've gotten mired in it. But that's not all there is to either of us. We also had lighter discussion, music and laughs and stuff too. Balance. Seeing the whole person, the bigger picture, whatever.