I'm not sure if this is the right place to put this but I'm not really sure where it fits....

I have a long history of SI, and so suicidal ideation is not new to me. Lately though, I have been feeling "ok" but am being consumed by thoughts of death. It's almost like I fantasize about it, how I would do it, etc. It's distressing not because I feel like I am going to act on these thoughts, but just because they are there. They make me anxious and less productive in my work and school.

Does anyone else experience this? I'm not sure what to do about these things...

Lately I have felt like it would be so nice just to go to the hospital and have them there to make sure that I don't do anything. Again, not that I think I would on my own anyhow, but it would make me less anxious about it.

And then I get paranoid that I'm just thinking these things for attention... not that anyone else other than me knows about these thoughts.

Sorry for the jumbled message.. any thoughts are appreciated.

Thanks,
Jacq