Thanks for the replies. I do have a therapist but less than an hour a week is not very long to get things out. It does help that I have at least that, someone to talk to. I have not completely opened up to my therapist, but I can tell her things I can't tell anyone else. It's hard to keep these things inside all the time. How can you tell your family members that you think of not being there anymore, all the time. Every day I think how much better the world would be without me. I've already failed in my life in so many ways, and see nothing for me in the future. As a matter of fact, I don't see myself there at all. Even with medication, I think this way all the time. I was hoping it would get better, but so far it hasn't. Once in a while I get a moment where I feel "ok", but then it passes by. Reality always comes back to me and nothing really changes. It's just me, my thoughts and I. My thoughts are negative and I feel nothing but dark, empty and lonely. There is no one I feel connected to, not even in my family. I'm just here existing and I'm tired of living this way.