first i would to apoligize this will be a little lengthy. i am 25 years old and have been with my boyfriend for five and half years, hes thirty now. back in jan he broke up with me saying he wanted space to figure himself and his situation out, that he wasnt happy nor could he make me happy if he wasnt happy himself. the breakup torn me apart completely. i couldn't eat or sleep or think or anything but him and what he was doing. i ended up loosing twenty lbs in less than a month.
throughout the breakup he still contacted me everyday even though i told him it was just making things worse on me. i went to counseling but it didn't much help. the person iw as seeing was simply telling me to get over it and move on, and as much as i tried i couldn't. during the breakup he explained this girl was trying to hit on him and get with him, but he told her no he still had feelings for me and told her to stop talking to him ( he said he basically called her a slut and he doesn't mess with sluts) the fact that he told me this bothered me but i should be happy that he said no. but im not.
almost two months after the breakup my boyfriend and i decided to get back togther and see where things would go. we both said we would take things slow, within minutees of saying this he immedatly was saying how much he loved and missed me. for the first couple of weeks things seemed to get better. but now for some reason its like i can't stop thinking that hes doing something shady. before he broke up with me i trusted him completely, after the breakup to now i don't trust him at all. i will constantly unconscienly ask him what hes doing on his phone and the internet/ facebook ( he can't put down his phone for more than five minutes at time and it drives me insane) he gets frustated but alwasy tells me or shows me what hes doing/ talking to etc...but i still can't shake the feeling that i can't trust him. the biggest thing is i think more stuff happened with the girl previously mentioned that hes not telling me, anytime i asked what exactly was said back and forth he gets crazy mad and will never explain. its driving me insane i want to believe in what he said was true, that nothing happened, but something in my gut tells me something did, but i'll never know unless he tells me and everytime i ask he yells starts a fight and never explains. i feel so depressed and angry i can't let it go and thats its going to ruin things now
all these feelings are intensified right now because i am moving out of my parents house for the first time into my own place, not with my boyfriend, and its very stressful. im happy and very sad about the move and then thats mixed with all these back and forth emotions about our relationship makes my head want to explode. i feel like i am going to ruin this second chance for a relationship with him when i don't want to. i want things to be good. but i can't help what i feel and think and all he says is to calm down and stop thinking like that. he says hes loves me and wants to be with me, but how can i believe him when he said the same stuff before breaking up. can anyone help me stop feeling like this and just be happy again?