I JUST TYPED AN ENTIRE POST, FORGOT TO FILL IN THE SUBJECT, PRESSED CONTINUE, THEN PRESSED THE BACK BUTTON AND NOW IT'S GONE.

Ok, here it goes again.

As some of you may recall, I saw T twice last week. He had told me on Tuesday that he wouldn't be here for the next three Tuesdays, and that we could do it on Fridays instead. Then he asked if I would want to come in that upcoming Friday so I wouldn't have to wait to long to see him again.

I was overwhelmed at the prospect of having T twice in one week. Of course I loved it. But I hated it, as well. I felt like a little kid, having a toy taken away from me-- I want to see T twice a week so badly-- but I knew this would be a one time thing.

So when I went to see him on Friday, I figured I should tell him about this. Well, you should have seen me. You guys would have been so entertained at my efforts to explain this to him. It took me a full 21 minutes to even explain it to a point where maybe it was slightly comprehensible to him. I used every metaphore, similie, and analogy I could think of. Anything to not have to say it directly. Finally, after about a half an hour, I put my journal in front of my face so that he couldn't see me (am I three years old?) and said, "Sometimes I just feel like once a week isn't enough." Then I asked him if I could hide under the couch. I was kidding (sort of).

So we talked about it. Then it was over, and I left the room. As soon as I left the room, a horrible feeling came over me. Something had set in. I realized I was really mad at him. I thought to myself, "How could he not suggest that I come twice a week? What the hell is wrong with him? He can see I need him more than once per week; why didn't he take action to arrange that?"

I am too embarassed to tell T about this on Friday. I just feel like being cold to him.

Can you believe I am going to school for psychology? I feel like a child 75 percent of the day.