History and my first break
ages 29-36
After my break up I decided to go get help I was drinking, anything to self medicate. I went to a dual diagnosed program and given adderall. The first day I took it I would get nervous, anxiety, sex addicted, all these symptoms. I came home and syarted abusing them and literally went crazy. I thought the government was after me, I was convinced was being followed. It still had me motivated, that's why I still took it.
I ended up in the hospital, my first day there, I was hallucinating horribly.
Aderall Xr
Attachment 4136
This is only my opinion. I know that I was Big Polar but I think the stimulants did permanent damage. I lost weight dude to not eating. I was down to 140 lbs. I would go would not even need to sleep. I was hallucinating but I never thought about the damage it could do. I just wish this came to my mind back then but we can't turn back the clock
Attachment 4137
In just saw this and I'm reaaly debating whether to get a scan or not. So I stopped adder all for about 3 years. Its so easy get to the med. Again, this is my opinion, don't go on this drug if you wanna stay up for a test lol, and Im not being hypocritical, I know I was abusing it, it works different on everyone. This is just my experience
2008-2014 symptoms
I lost my license for 2 years for DWI, I finally got it back this year. I was so depressed. Also using most of the time. I went in patient many times after my abuse. I struggle with self medicating myself because the depression is horrible, I hate looking into the mirror, I'm guilty because I come from a good family. I would go to outpatient treatment but I never cared. The older I became the less I cared. I never asked myself to think of my future. I now collect disability for my big polar diagnoses. So that's my history.
Medications I have taken:
prozac,laruda,risperdol,geodon,Zoloft,wellbutrin,sereqel,Ritalin,
adderall,depakote,xanax,ativan,diazapam,lithium,saphriss etc...
I remember how some of the above meds didn't really agree with me. I didn't give some of them enough time to really noticed anything.
Depakote-really put tons of weight on me
Geodon- made me feel horrible, such anxiety, couldn't sit still
Latuda-never gave it long enouph at 80mg, felt bad at times
Adderall-evil, only my experience
Lithium-kinda felt like a zombie, plus all the blood checking
Xanax-yes benzos have been the only relieving med for me so far
Benzos always do a good job with my symptoms, in the passed I abused then buy I really haven't abused them. I only use them in a social situation. Some anti pychs made my body still, where they had to give me shots of benadryl to stop it. So far I take xanax.I also recreationally use bupe. I know its the one thing I need to work on.
Summary
I finally realize I have to something about this before I'm 40 and sitting in front of the TV. I hope this article can help some people as well. My depression is the worst symptom besides anxiety. I wanna eventually get a job, I isolate so much which isn't good. I'm setting little goals for myself to create structure in my life
Please is anyone can relate to this, feel free to join in at anytime.