Quote:
Originally Posted by Kamiomi
I wonder why I'm still alive. I know that I don't fit in the world. I have no hobbies, no ambition, I'm a complete social reject. I try and try and try everyday but I always come to the same conclusion : I'm just a mistake, a reminiscence of an unadapted organism that needs to be destroyed.
Everywhere I go, people acknowledge talkative people, the ones who impose themselves, speaking loudly and telling ********. I can't be like that, I'm more the taciturn type. With time, I tried to be like them, but I just don't have the... body for this. People like me are just good to be ignored and mocked.
For example, this afternoon, I was with a "comrade" sitting besides the entrance of the classroom, and then, a girl passes. This ***** is in the same section but not in the same group, so we don't have much contact with her; still, I'm a bit fond of her. I've been told that she is a "good" girl, the one who praises good feelings and despises "show men" with tremendous ego. And then, she salutes the bastard beside me like and good ol' friend, and acts like I'm a pile of invisible dust. What's the difference between him and I ? His a show man and I'm the quiet one.
All my life has been like this : invisible, worthless and negligible.
Nature ****ed me.
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Maybe try this. Don't compare yourself to the expectations society puts on us. I know it is very difficult because we are bombarded everyday with those expectations. I have made some progress in this area by sheer force of being slammed against a brick wall, and (it is still really hard for me to say this) not being unable to work. Society expects me to work and be self sufficient. If I win my social security case then I am a lazy bum leaching off of the government.
I have really had to work on not comparing myself to others and to what society expects. I can't live up to it. All my siblings are very successful so it is hard.
What are we to do then. Maybe there is purpose for us and all our suffering. That there is meaning in it. One small example is that you posted here and that helped us. You were born for a reason and you life has value, as much as anyone elses.