Quote:
Originally Posted by Kamiomi
I try and try to avoid comparing myself to others, but it doesn't have much affect. I'm less depressive, ok, but I'm still feel empty. And every time I manage to soothe myself, there's always somthing to bring me back to reality, like a violent electroshock, like this story with the girl : I was in a steady state, and she broke everything apart with something really insignificant.
Also, I'm don't really think that there's a purpose for everything. I'm a bit of a nihilist. You say that this post helped people people, but I doubt it; and even if it was true, does that mean that I'm a sort of sacrifice ? Suffering for the common good ?
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You make good points. I don't mean it as a sacrifice but that out of our suffering can come some good. I see your point though. I was in a very bad depression the last six months and didn't have any hope, didn't see any meaning or purpose, just wanted to die. I prayed every night that god or some external force would just take me and I would wake up dead. I really didn't want to do it myself but I came close. Or that I would just get a fast acting terminal illness. Then everyone would understand and it wouldn't be my fault.
My sister in law got me to read a book called "Man's Search for Meaning" by Victor Frakyl. He had a lot of street cred in my book because he was a psychiatrist and a survivor of the concentration camps in Nazi Germany. I could only read a few pages at a time because of the depression. I got through it though.
He had some very good points. I didn't agree with him on a lot but it really got me thinking about meaning and purpose and how important they are. He did state that he thought that society had adopted this very nihilistic view and that very much worked against us. I have started some threads in here about meaning and that book. None of us find much meaning in suffering and depression base on the responses. I am trying though. The Buddha said...."It is my job to go joyfully into suffering." It can't be avoided in life.
We probably have different philosophies and if you are a nihilist and a fan of Nietzsche then that would go against what I am trying to say.
I have not been in a relationship in a very long time due mostly to depression. Very sad. When I am feeling better I start really thinking about it a lot. Then I will get rejected by someone or no one will respond to me on match.com or the depression comes back. I have had a lot of relationships in the past and am a reasonably good looking guy in good shape, or I used to be I am 50 now. I am also a very quiet type. I have been alone for like 10 years and I think damn it why can't I have someone and be happy. I don't know if it will ever happen. It is perfectly natural for us to want it. And damn it I deserve it.