Before I start, please, please, please don't come to the conclusion that I am in anyway belittling the actual disorder of body dismorphia; I'm just very distressed and have no idea what to call what it is I've been going through and what hits me so strongly right now.

A small introduction to why this is such a big issue to me, I love music- if there was anytime when I actually felt right, safe, at peace it would be when I sing. I have pages and pages of lyrics and my phone has turned into nothing but a shell to house all my ideas and random tunes. I've spent a good deal of money on recording equipment, I've made all the friends I have through musical pursuits, nothing makes me feel so right, so in place. Now, the problem- I hate the sound of my voice. It's always been a background nuisance, something I could ignore because of how natural and awe-inspiring the action of singing is....but today... I broke into tears at the sound of it. I can't sing. Have I not been able to not sing this whole time? My world is falling down around me.

I've been in a few bands, my partner sneaks up on me to hear me sing, I get complements and have been approached to be in projects. What's wrong with me? How can I be so torn? Is everyone lying to me? Do I sound as bad as I hear myself? I never want to sing again. I'm so embarrassed. Is there such a thing as hearing yourself wrong? Do I hate myself so much that I can't even stand the idea of my trying to be happy? Or is it time to face the truth, I can't sing and I never could. I'm heartbroken. Thank you for your time.