Hi:
I was diagnosed with bipolar 1 with rapid cycling about a month ago. I am so scared. I am engaged to my best friend and I read somewhere that like 90% of marriages fail if one of the people is bipolar.

I hate my medicine. My doctor has me on Ziprasidone HCL, two capsules at night. About an hour after taking them I lose all emotion, sense of feeling/joy and start slurring my words. If I don't get 9 hours of sleep I feel like a drunk driver in the morning. I had a manic episode, shopping spree/hypersexual behavior, before I was diagnosed and the doctor gave me this to bring me down out of my mania. At any given day I feel hundreds of emotions, but on this medication I feel anxiety and worry constantly about everything-- particularly money.

The doctor wants me to research anti-convulsants and mood stabilizers for my permanent medication. I weigh 350 lbs and am obese, I cannot gain any more weight at all! I am afraid to death of lithium, I think it will push me over the 400 lb mark and cause me to be a zombie. A healthy sex life is important to me and I couldn't even get it up last night on Ziprasidone and when I did I lost sensation. I just want to be normal. This blows.

Sorry.. needed to vent. I need recommendations on the best med or med combo to treat bipolar cycling without
making me a zombie
making me drive like im drunk
making me feel so tired all the time
making me gain weight
making me lose sex functions.

Thanks for the help in advance. I really really hate this.