So its been more than a month since she left me with another guy..
But in my last thread.. ive said about how we ended up accindentally adding each other on line chat app..

Since then.. its become harder for me to forget bout her, the pain, the joy and the love that i have for her..i miss her everyday and not a single day i can stop missing her..

She blocked me once there.. but then she unblock me.. and since then.. every 2 or 3 day max.. she will contact me saying just about anything to me.. missing me or just anything.. then she told me how shes tired of missing me and want me back but its too complicated.. it gives me hope but i also skeptical that its just a way for her to keep me there for she can go to me whenever she want me..

Ive been longing for her and want her even more.. but just now i decided to do what i think is the best to do even tho its hard.. i text her on line and said i need to talk to her but she cuts me in the midle even before i told her the point.. said she knew what i mean.. but then i cut the crap and tell her.. u said u still want me and love mer.. if u do.. ill give u a week to think if we can get back together.. and take it easy with everything else.. if not ill go for good, delete my account on line and maybe change my cell phone number and everything else.

She ask why would i need that when she already block me everywhere.. i told her.. if i still got a way to contact u.. ill desperately do that and it wont help me to get up and move on.. then she said she dont need time to think.. she said she is such a mess and its not a good idea to be back together.. and i can do whatever i wanna do..

We argue abit in the end, telling her i dont really care about how messed up she is.. cause ill stick with her as long as she want us forever.. but she still dont want time to think.. so i told her how i will always love her.. but she told me to stop saying that kind of thing.. so finally i said ok and i delete my account.

Its so damn hard and it breaks my heart so badly.. and im not sure if its a good thing or not.. cause maybe i can just stay there.. pretend to be happy and show her how im still happy without her.. but i think its the best way for me to delete it.. im not sure what is right or wrong anymore

And what makes it even worst is that i know shes having fun with other guy.. even tho she told me she didnt love them and she did that just to escape from stress and stuff.. so it makes me think that either im staying or leaving.. it wont be really matter for her.. why cant i have fun too.. why cant i stop loving her.. why my life always sucks!