Quote:
Originally Posted by BeteNoire
I've been going over and over this in my head, trying to figure out what I did. How I could have been better and I feel like such an idiot.
There were so many red flags. So many warnings that he wasn't all he appeared to be but in my desperate need to be loved I ignored them.
The way he was declaring his love for me when I was still wondering if we could even be in a relationship.
How after a few months when I was fully hooked he changed from sweet and attentive to apathetic and uninvolved. (He actually admits to "sheltering" me during our initial interactions.)
How every time I brought up my feelings he dismissed them because he hadn't done anything wrong and I was just being over sensitive and needed to get over it. (To be fair I told myself that same thing without his input.)
How he would blow up at even the slightest teasing over a possible imperfection.
How when I finally found the guts to walk away he turned on the nice again. Like a switch, he just started being everything he once was and hadn't been.
And most importantly, he declared HIMSELF a mental terrorist. He admitted that he enjoyed messing with people's heads. It gives him a rush...
But he would never do that to me.
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That sounds just like my ex-bf. Right down to telling me he liked to mess with peoples heads. He didn't call himself a 'mental terrorist'---his name of choice was 'demon'. I think he liked the way it sounded. In fact, the one thing he was very good at (and never realized it) was telling me everything he was going to do...months before he did. After we broke up, long after, I started putting the pieces together and realized I had ignored, or set aside all of the warnings, some of which he had unwittingly offered.
If your ex isn't a Narcissist...I'll eat my hat. If you're BPD, be glad you're well out of it. And cry when you need to. It took me 3 months to get over the hurt, confusion, memories that haunted me..seemed nearly everything had his touch on it, and that was the worst. I cried at least once every day for 3 months. Getting over a narc is a process, not an event. You'll do it. Have patience with yourself.
