Tao, if you can't say these things here, where can you say them? Yes, we understand. Yes, we've been where you're at now. Those of us who have made it out of the hole are here to tell you that you can, too, Sweety!

Again, I think it's not only your depression talking for you, it's also all the abuse and neglect that you received while growing up. You're parents actions convinced you that you weren't good enough to hope to live a normal life. It seems to me that there is nothing that really interests you. You don't dare to hope for anything! That is wrong thinking! I'll put it in simpler terms than I did the last time. God made you and God don't make no junk! You have a purpose in life and you are entitled to enjoy your life!

If the meds are working to a point now, keep talking to your dr and tell him you're still too negative. He can adjust the meds so that you have as complete a recovery as possible. You're not there yet! You're only at the beginning! Don't give up!

I think what I meant was "are you really listening to the depression." You don't sound like you really and truly want to check out. You still have a flicker of hope when you talk about needing to get through school. Those are plans for the future, don't you see?

In no way did I mean to offend you by saying that I think you're looking for attention. Please believe me! That is what I sense in your posts. You have needs that need to be met and you're crying out for help. When I was suicidal, I didn't dare tell those that really needed to know. I told everyone else in a twisted, subconcious wish that they would go to the person I wanted to hurt as bad as I'd been hurt, but at the same time, hoping that this same person would come to his senses and recognize my needs. It's impossible! They don't have it in them to recognize either your needs or their faults! Otherwise, they wouldn't have done what they did. It's also especially difficult to admit that you've hurt one of your own children. They have to believe that they have always been right.

Soon, that's going to be in your past. You will finish school and get a job. You'll be on your own. It's time to undo what your parents did to you and make of yourself what you were put on this earth for. There's no way of knowing right now what that is. Sometimes it's revealed to us as we walk on the road of our own journey. But mark my word! You have a purpose in this life! I think deep down you know it!

Please don't stop talking to us and by no means feel sorry that you started this thread. That's what this site is for and that's why it's so heavily populated! Some of us are here to help because we understand and some of us are here to get help because we know others understand and can give help. Most of us are here for both.

Please know that I have much emotional investment in you. Usually, I'm a good judge of character, etc. It's my gut feeling that you have much to offer and there's no doubt in my heart and mind that you can come out of this victorious!

<font color=red>{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{<font color=blue>Tao</font color=blue>}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}</font color=red>





<font color=blue>"Our doubts are traitors and make us lose the good we oft might win by fearing to attempt" --Shakespeare</font color=blue>