This week, I wrote out a list of things I want my T and I to try that might help me be more comfortable, and I had her read this list. My T commented on the fact that I feel unable to be spontaneous with her and just do some of the things on the list instead of asking her if I can first. For example, I kind of want to hold one of the pillows, but I feel like I need her permission first. Otherwise it might really surprise her and I already feel pretty self-conscious, so it would embarrass me if she was too surprised. It is a problem because I don't look around her room a lot, so I feel like I need permission to do that too. Then I don't end up doing it. My T said that when I ask for permission, the relationship is more artificial instead of real.

Does anyone else have problems with being spontaneous in therapy, or is it not an issue for you? Do you have any thoughts on what that's about, or how to be more spontaneous?