So as always in my quest for knowledge and understanding I began thinking about delusions today. I did some cursory web research and found that delusions can also be mild or severe, or so it seems.

My question to all of you is did you recognize that your thoughts were irrational at the time of your delusion? Or did you not realize it until later, if ever? Did other people tell you your thoughts were sounding strange?

Generally I don't share my suffering with anyone so no one can tell me when I'm thinking strangely. I think every time I have experience delusions I still knew somewhere in my brain that what I was thinking wasn't normal and most people don't think the same way. Like when I was manic a few times I thought I had special healing powers and just my presence and words could heal emotional pain. I thought I could write inspirational essays except I never could do an a sentence before being distracted. I knew that what I as thinking was weird but I still believed it.

During a bad AD-induced mixed episode I thought that someone was controlling my thoughts and planting thoughts in my head. At the time I knew that was irrational and it actually scared me more because I knew how crazy it sounded.

When I'm severely depressed I believe that everyone I meet/talk to is thinking about how much they hate me. I think my coworkers are talking with each other when I leave about how awful I am. I think my friends are talking about me and talking about how self-centered and horrible I am. When that happens I believe it without a doubt no matter how much I am assured otherwise. It's not until I'm out of the episode that I think I was (probably) wrong.

Right now I am in a strange state. I posted about how I thought my brain was tying to hurt me, which I know sounds crazy, but it's not crazy to me because I just can't adequately explain what I mean. I also believe that my husband is using my medication to control me. Not like he can mind control me with it, just that he wants me to be and act a certain way and he wants me to be medicated so I can be a robotic stepford wife to make him happy at my own expense. But I don't think this is a delusion though. I think this is just how I feel. And it's the truth. I know I'm right. I mean I know that's what's going on and I resent him for it.

So do you all notice and recognize your delusions?

ps - I had a much Better day today, less intense thoughts, so we'll see how it goes. I still feel that way about hubby though.