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No need to apologize.
Welcome to PC.
Is there a counselor at school you could discuss this with? It usually helps to find someone to talk with. If the thoughts become overwhelming do call a hotline or go to an online hotline chat. There's several. All you need to do is google crisis lines, crisis chat or suicide hotlines/ chat.
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Nammu
…Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. …...
Desiderata Max Ehrmann
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