Good question. My ex therapist and I had a big disagreement on forgiveness. I told her 'a lot of teachings started out good and on the right path; but, it only takes one person to twist it and take it somewhere else.' She said 'forgiveness does not mean we are dusting it under the rug, we are simply letting it go and forgiving for ourselves.' She also had her tongue in my parents' butts (they didn't know I was in therapy) and the more times I hear 'forgiving ourselves,' I took that as 'what did I do to deserve abuse? I shouldn't be forgiving myself.'

My ex therapist said how I just keep the issues all to myself. I told her 'I can't stand looking at someone who's had it better than me and had more support than I ever had in my life. I think I have a right to be jealous and irate over something that can't happen for me or may happen - who knows.' As always, the woman always looked so damn dumb and puzzled. I told her 'that is why I am so bitter because my life was ruined, what part are you and everybody else don't understand? a person's life is ruined, there is no forgiveness, no relationship, nothing!'

She looked at me, that woman has no experience in life yet she is married, has kids, and isn't that much older than me. she dusted a lot of crap under the rug yet has this parental and marital arrogance with her to boot! i have said a lot of times that forgiving doesn't replace the crap that hurt from the past no amount of forgiving will change anything. My parents never bothered to make things right when they were younger and don't care to now at almost 70 yrs old - that's way too many years going by without ever making things right or saying i am sorry.

forgiveness is a two way street and i have read Scripture's version of forgiving. nothing you can do if they don't repent, that is another thing i am still holding onto is expectations of them. i just wanted a set of normal parents, yea, i expected a lot from them. when you're codependent, you do expect a lot - a set of parents who never took any real good care of us 4 growing up and left 1st born half sister and me with a set of huge emotional probs while the 2 middle siblings don't have those issues.

they say not forgiving will make a person an angry person for life and it will make them sick too. i've had headaches all that stress, yelling, angry, hurt, etc is where it is coming from....